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    "original_url": "https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2026\/09\/15\/well\/books-failure-experts-reccomendations.html?emc=edit_hh_20260918&nl=well&segment_id=226673",
    "parsed_content": "AdvertisementSKIP ADVERTISEMENTSupported bySKIP ADVERTISEMENT7 Books to Help You Cope With Failure and Move ForwardPsychologists and other experts share the works they recommend to people who are struggling with guilt, shame or questions of what comes next.Listen \u00b7 7:49 min Share full articleCredit...Monica GarwoodBy Anna BorgesPublished Sept. 15, 2026Updated Sept. 17, 2026, 12:21 p.m. ETLeer en espa\u00f1olPeople\u2019s lives are filled with failures, large and small: Relationships break down or fizzle out, new habits don\u2019t stick, work projects fall short, recipes flop.But what you deem a failure \u2014 or what leaves you feeling like one \u2014 is much more personal than whether or not you achieved the desired outcome.\u201cSomething I consider a huge failure, you might brush off as a small mistake, and vice versa,\u201d said Ashley Chin, a clinical psychologist in Gainesville, Fla. Your personal definition of failing, she said, depends on everything from the messages you received growing up to how closely a setback is tied to your identity.Whatever prompts it, feeling like you\u2019ve failed can leave you wrestling with unwieldy emotions like guilt and shame, along with big questions like, \u201cWhat comes next?\u201d Dr. Chin said therapy can help in the aftermath of a failure, but books may offer a more accessible or less intimidating place to begin.AdvertisementSKIP ADVERTISEMENT\u201cIn the midst of experiencing failure, we are profoundly vulnerable, and opening ourselves up to others can feel risky,\u201d said Amanda Cassil, a clinical psychologist in Pasadena, Calif. \u201cReading offers comfort and support at a time when we fear getting wounded further.\u201dWe asked experts who specialize in studying failure.Image\u2018Right Kind of Wrong\u2019by Amy EdmondsonIf you\u2019re tired of hearing that every mistake is an opportunity to grow, this 2023 book offers a more nuanced take. Dr. Chin said the book \u201cchallenges the idea that all failures are helpful and productive.\u201dInstead, Dr. Edmonson distinguishes between three types of failure: basic failures, caused by mistakes made out of inattention or carelessness; complex failures, which stem from a collision of factors and are difficult to predict; and intelligent failures, a product of trying new strategies or hypotheses that don\u2019t pan out. The first type is preventable. The third, Dr. Chin said, is worth embracing because it teaches us something we couldn\u2019t have learned without trying.AdvertisementSKIP ADVERTISEMENTSandhya Krishnan, a postdoctoral research fellow at the University of Arkansas at Little Rock, who has studied failure, said Dr. Edmonson\u2019s book \u201cwalks you through identifying what kind of failure you experienced and then what to do about it.\u201dImage\u2018Self-Compassion\u2019by Kristin NeffPaul Losoff, a clinical psychologist in Northbrook, Ill., said many people internalize small missteps as big failures because they\u2019re too hard on themselves in general. \u201cOften patients have this loud, hypercritical voice in their head telling them they\u2019ve failed,\u201d he said. \u201cI recommend this book to help turn down that noise.\u201dPublished in 2011, Dr. Neff\u2019s research-based guide presents self-compassion as a sturdier alternative to self-esteem, with exercises for meeting setbacks with mindfulness and kindness instead of judgment. You don\u2019t have to sacrifice your standards to go easy on yourself, either. \u201cIt\u2019s OK to have high expectations for yourself,\u201d Dr. Losoff said, adding, \u201cNeff makes clear that you don\u2019t have to beat yourself up when you don\u2019t meet them.\u201dImage\u2018The Inner Game of Tennis\u2019by W. Timothy GallweyFirst published in 1974 this sports classic is about how self-doubt and overthinking can keep you from accomplishing your goals.AdvertisementSKIP ADVERTISEMENTDr. Cassil, the psychologist in Pasadena, said she appreciated Mr. Gallwey\u2019s encouragement of nonjudgmental awareness \u2014 observing your thoughts, feelings and experiences neutrally, without labeling them as good or bad \u2014 which she uses with her own clients after tough setbacks. \u201cA lot of the work comes down to the importance of disconnecting failure from your sense of worth as a human,\u201d she said.You don\u2019t have to be a fan of tennis to learn from Mr. Gallwey\u2019s book. In fact, it might help if you\u2019re not. \u201cI always like coming at problems from an unexpected angle because it opens our creativity, and we\u2019re less likely to be prescriptive in how we approach things,\u201d Dr. Cassil said.Image\u2018Rising Strong\u2019by Bren\u00e9 BrownIn this 2015 book, Dr. Brown, a social scientist, draws from her research on shame and vulnerability to explore how people get back up after life\u2019s inevitable falls, from job losses and breakups to smaller struggles and daily disappointments.Dr. Chin praised the book\u2019s qualitative approach: Dr. Brown\u2019s three-part process \u2014 reckoning, rumbling and revolution \u2014 asks readers to face their emotions after a failure, question the stories they tell themselves about what happened and put what they learned into practice. \u201cThe goal isn\u2019t to harden yourself against potential failures but to find the courage to keep taking risks,\u201d Dr. Chin said.AdvertisementSKIP ADVERTISEMENTImage\u2018Mindset\u2019by Carol S. DweckIf you\u2019ve ever had a setback that convinced you it\u2019s the end of the road, this 2007 book suggests that conclusion can quickly turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy. In it, Dr. Dweck, a psychologist at Stanford, contrasts a fixed mind-set (the belief that your abilities are set) with a growth mind-set (which leaves room for improvement through effort and learning). A growth mind-set, she argues, is the secret to success.Dr. Krishnan read the book after she left medical school before finishing, upending a plan she had pursued for most of her life. She recognized that a growth mind-set had been crucial to her ability to move forward.\u201cI always had a fixed mind-set about my education and career, but failing in such an identity-shifting way forced me to figure out what would come next,\u201d she said. She recommended Dr. Dweck\u2019s framework for anyone who needs help treating difficulty as a reason to adapt, rather than a reason to give up.ImageAdvertisementSKIP ADVERTISEMENT\u2018Radical Acceptance\u2019by Tara BrachMany people take failure as a sign that something is wrong with them, a belief tackled in Dr. Brach\u2019s 2003 book. Drawing on Buddhist teachings, clinical stories and guided meditations, \u201cRadical Acceptance\u201d helps readers respond to self-judgments with mindfulness and self-compassion. She also helps them take responsibility for their actions, even as they accept that the failures don\u2019t mean they are flawed as people.Dr. Chin recommends it to her clients often, sometimes using its exercises in sessions. \u201cShe has so many tools for challenging the perfectionism and self-criticism that surround feelings of failure,\u201d Dr. Chin said.Image\u2018Man\u2019s Search for Meaning\u2019by Viktor FranklThis enduring classic combines Frankl\u2019s account of surviving the Nazis\u2019 concentration camps with an exploration of how people can find meaning in their lives despite profound suffering. First published in 1946, the book is difficult in parts, Dr. Cassil said, but is ultimately filled with \u201cconnection and hope.\u201d\u201cPeople tend to balk when I recommend it, because there\u2019s this sense of, \u2018Well, obviously what I\u2019m going through is not as bad as the Holocaust,\u2019\u201d Dr. Cassil said. But more often than not, she said, she sees her patients connect deeply with Frankl\u2019s search for purpose amid circumstances beyond his control, especially after a failure leaves them unsure what comes next.AdvertisementSKIP ADVERTISEMENT",
    "published_at": "2026-09-15T09:02:50+00:00",
    "author_name": "Anna Borges",
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