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    "original_url": "https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2025\/08\/08\/well\/before-you-offer-advice-ask-this-question.html?emc=edit_hh_20261002&nl=well&segment_id=227397",
    "parsed_content": "AdvertisementSKIP ADVERTISEMENTSee more of our coverage in your search results.Encuentra m\u00e1s de nuestra cobertura en los resultados de b\u00fasqueda. Add The New York Times on GoogleAgrega The New York Times en Google You\u2019re reading the Well newsletter. Essential news and guidance to live your healthiest life. My two younger sisters have always sought my advice. When we were teenagers, for instance, they consulted me about dating.At that time, I had laughably little experience, so my guidance wasn\u2019t exactly evidence-based. But because I delivered it in a crisp, decisive tone, my sisters accepted it without question.Now they seek it on more middle-aged matters, like career questions and which reading glasses to buy. Sometimes, though, I go overboard.My sister Dinah was recently venting about paying for her daughter\u2019s college. I quickly chimed in with suggestions about what she should do, even though it was clear that she just wanted to share her fears \u2014 and I don\u2019t actually have a child in college.AdvertisementSKIP ADVERTISEMENTDoling out advice can make you feel powerful, helpful and even generous. But unsolicited advice can backfire, said Alexandra Solomon, a clinical psychologist and host of the \u201cReimagining Love\u201d podcast.\u201cIn its simplest form, it\u2019s a boundary violation,\u201d Dr. Solomon said. You\u2019ve involved yourself without an invitation, she added.How to give better adviceResearch suggests that when we give advice, it\u2019s often biased toward our own experiences. We share insights that we would find useful, but they might not be as relevant to the other person, said Richard Larrick, a professor of management and organizations at Duke University\u2019s Fuqua School of Business.There\u2019s also evidence that unsolicited advice can harm relationships. And in the workplace, such advice can be seen as self-serving and is more likely to be ignored. Conversely, other research suggests that when people ask for advice, it is viewed by recipients as more valuable.So before you jump in with suggestions, Dr. Solomon said, you should ask this simple question: \u201cDo you want my advice?\u201dAdvertisementSKIP ADVERTISEMENTWhy this approach worksGetting permission to proceed is such a small gesture, but it can make the listener feel more empowered, said Shannon O\u2019Neill, a psychologist at Mount Sinai West. \u201cThey made the choice to hear you out,\u201d she said. \u201cAnd that allows an individual, hopefully, to be less defensive and less resistant.\u201dDr. Solomon, who uses this strategy with her own family, admits that sometimes she forgets. Last week, her son played his new voice mail greeting for her.Immediately, she jumped in, said he should rerecord it and gave him some reasons why.\u201cThen I\u2019m like, Why I do that? He\u2019s a grown-ass man,\u201d she said, and she quickly apologized.Another way to train yourself not to automatically dispense advice, Dr. Larrick said, is to reframe the issue by brainstorming about what the other person could do rather than making declarations about they should do.Now, instead of issuing a command, I ask my sisters if they want my advice.At first, they reacted with suspicion because they\u2019re so used to me firing off an opinion. Now, sometimes, their answer is a cheerful \u201cnope.\u201dAdvertisementSKIP ADVERTISEMENTHow to get off your phone and live your life.Do you want to cut back on constant scrolling? Screen time experts who advocate a healthier relationship with technology shared tricks that aren\u2019t widely known, but really work, to curb your phone use.Read the article: How to Break Free From Your PhoneWhat is the Nordic diet, and is it healthy?The Nordic diet is similar to the famously healthy Mediterranean diet, with a few key exceptions. And preliminary research suggests that the Nordic diet may have big rewards \u2014 especially for the heart.Read the article: This Heart-Healthy Diet Has a Nordic Twist.The Week in WellHere are some stories you don\u2019t want to miss:Summer weather may trigger headaches in some people. Here\u2019s how to reduce your risk.Hate flossing? Try this instead.What is \u201cfawning,\u201d and how can it ruin relationships? An expert shares the details.Avoiding ultraprocessed foods might double weight loss. Learn the results of a new trial.Let\u2019s keep the conversation going. Follow Well on Instagram, or write to us at well_newsletter@nytimes.com. And check out last week\u2019s newsletter about ways to keep your joints healthy.AdvertisementSKIP ADVERTISEMENT",
    "published_at": "2025-08-08T09:02:24+00:00",
    "author_name": "https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/by\/jancee-dunn",
    "site_name": "The New York Times",
    "section": "Well",
    "publisher": "The New York Times Company",
    "ai_headline": "Before You Offer Advice, Ask This Question",
    "ai_simplified_title": "Expert Recommends Asking Permission Before Giving Advice",
    "ai_excerpt": "Unsolicited advice can backfire and harm relationships, according to experts. Asking \"Do you want my advice?\" empowers the listener and makes them more receptive. This simple question can improve communication and prevent boundary violations.",
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        "Psychology",
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        "Workplace Communication"
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