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    "original_url": "https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2026\/02\/11\/realestate\/how-to-sleep-with-other-people.html?campaign_id=9&emc=edit_nn_20260214&instance_id=171097&nl=the-morning&regi_id=122976029&segment_id=215262&user_id=b25c5730c89e0c73f75709d8f1254337",
    "parsed_content": "AdvertisementSKIP ADVERTISEMENTSupported bySKIP ADVERTISEMENTSex, Love and Real EstateHow to Sleep With Other PeopleTo make sharing a bed better for everyone, try these tools and techniques.Listen to this article \u00b7 9:06 min Learn moreShare full articleUnlock better sleep.Credit...Nicolas OrtegaBy Dorie ChevlenPublished Feb. 11, 2026Updated Feb. 12, 2026Sharing a bed can be a wonderful experience for you and your partner: snuggly, sexy, serene. But many of us are likely familiar with the alternative scenarios: shivering and exposed after your partner tears away the duvet; unable to sleep over their lawn-mower-loud snoring, or failing to disable your alarm clock before your beloved night owl rouses too early and none too pleased.Not only does disrupted sleep threaten the peace of your relationship, it\u2019s also detrimental to your well being. \u201cSleep impacts every aspect of human physiology, whether that\u2019s cardiovascular or metabolic or mental health,\u201d said Dr. Nathaniel Watson, professor of medicine and co-director of the University of Washington Medicine Sleep Center. \u201cYou have to be your own personal stalwart and protector of your sleep because that\u2019s how you present the best version of yourself to the world,\u201d he said.Luckily, the most common bed-sharing problems are totally fixable \u2014 or, at least, totally up for compromise.The problem: I like a firm mattress. He likes a softy.ImageCredit...Getty ImagesIf you can\u2019t agree on one mattress you both like, Craig Fruchtman, owner of Craig\u2019s Beds in midtown Manhattan, said the easiest solution is just buying two mattresses \u201cand pushing them together.\u201d Two twin-XL mattresses end up being the same dimensions of a king mattress, and you can lay them side by side in the same bed frame. Just make sure to measure if you\u2019re buying from two different brands \u2014 not all will be the same height, though in a pinch, risers can level the gap.Alternatively, you can top a firm mattress with a narrow foam or feather topper for the person who prefers things soft; just don\u2019t do the reverse: \u201cIf their bed\u2019s lumpy and they put something that\u2019s firm on top of it, it\u2019s just going to be that much lumpier,\u201d he said.The problem: I like it dark. They want to keep the lights on.\u201cAny light can disrupt sleep,\u201d said Dr. Ana Krieger, a sleep medicine expert at New York-Presbyterian and Weill Cornell Medicine. Ideally, your bedroom should be dark for sleeping hours, which can be achieved using blackout curtains or shades. But if your partner will be waking up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, or climbing into bed slightly after you, you don\u2019t want them stumbling around blind. Dr. Krieger advises a compromise in the form of a low light underneath the bed, or a motion-activated night light, just bright enough for them to see and make their way.Beyond the bedroom, Dr. Kreiger would also like to see more homes feature dimmers throughout. \u201cThat period that surrounds bedtime, like an hour, an hour and a half before going to sleep, the light exposure needs to be minimized for best sleep,\u201d she said. Even if you\u2019re just unloading the dishwasher or brushing your teeth in bright lighting, you may struggle later to achieve a proper night\u2019s rest.The problem: I\u2019m a morning bird. She\u2019s a night owl.Most people\u2019s sleep cycles are hard-wired into their bodies; if you\u2019re a night owl, you can possibly train yourself to sleep and rise earlier, but you\u2019ll probably never transform into a true morning bird, says Dr. Shelby Harris, a sleep specialist at the Albert Einstein School of Medicine and author of \u201cThe Women\u2019s Guide to Overcoming Insomnia.\u201d And so forcing yourself, as a couple, to go to bed and rise at the same time just sets you up for resentment. Instead, she advises couples to consider cuddling \u2014 or engaging in other romantic bedtime activities \u2014 and then choosing their own adventure, whether that\u2019s drifting into slumber or staying up with a book.As for waking on different schedules without disturbing each other, Dr. Harris suggests looking at alarm clocks designed for people with hearing impairment. Many rouse you with vibrations, either in the form of a flat device you slip under your pillow or a wristwatch (an Apple watch can also do this, but at a much higher price). If one partner is willing to wear an eye mask, Wirecutter also recommends several sunrise alarm clocks that can awaken you with a very bright light.The problem: He likes to scroll before bed. Surely that\u2019s bad.ImageCredit...Getty ImagesIt depends. Dr. Watson made it clear that staring at a screen before bed was ill-advised. Still, he acknowledged that \u201cwhat\u2019s a problem for one person is not necessarily a problem for another.\u201d Research shows that the blue wavelengths of light emanated from devices like laptops and cellphones can be stimulating, but for some people it doesn\u2019t cause sleep problems. It may also not be the blue light, itself, but rather the type of content being digested that causes sleep disruption.If you or your partner insists on screens in the bed, Dr. Watson suggests limiting the blue light exposure by going into your phone\u2019s settings to reduce it manually, or wearing blue-light blocking glasses. But still, he echoes most sleep specialists\u2019 directive to keep the bed a place where nothing but sleep and sex take place. \u201cWe want that when your head hits your pillow, your body knows definitively that \u2018Now is when I sleep.\u2019 It\u2019s not like, \u2018Oh, now is when I watch TV, now is when I look at my phone, now is when I have an engrossing, hourlong conversation with my kid,\u201d he said.The problem: I want our pet in bed with us, she does not.Unfortunately, your partner is probably right about this one. Many people \u201cdon\u2019t realize that their cats or dogs are disturbing their sleep because they find it so cute and so lovely,\u201d said Dr. Krieger. This, of course, poses two problems: How do you train the animal to sleep outside the bed, and how do you train the human to sleep without the animal?\u201cPeople feel more comfortable when they have somebody in bed with them,\u201d Dr. Krieger said, even if that somebody is a pet. \u201cSo trying to feel safe in your home environment I think is very important.\u201d One solution she suggests is to train your pet to sleep in their own bed in your line of sight \u2014 even knowing they\u2019re in the room may bring the same comfort as having them close.The problem: One of us runs hot. The other runs cold.ImageCredit...Getty ImagesIn many couples there is a disparity in preferred temperature. But it\u2019s better to defer to the hot sleeper. \u201cA colder room is easier to deal with because you can always add extra clothing or have your own blankets,\u201d said Dr. Kreiger. \u201cBut it\u2019s very hard when people start to feel very warm at night because that affects sleep significantly.\u201dMany brands offer cooling mattresses, though Mr. Fruchtman points out that after you\u2019ve pulled on a mattress protector and sheets, any purported benefits are usually insignificant: \u201cI tell customers, \u2018I don\u2019t think you\u2019re going to feel warm,\u2019\u201d with the cooling mattresses, \u201c\u2018but I don\u2019t necessarily think you\u2019re going to feel cool.\u2019\u201dInstead, experts suggest keeping the room cooler with air conditioning, and then opting for individualized bedding. Dr. Harris recommends the Scandinavian sleep method, recently popularized on social media, where each person uses their own blanket atop the same sheets. (You can fold a duvet in half at night and pull it across the bed in the morning if you don\u2019t like the mix-and-match aesthetic, she adds). For the truly chilly person, an electric blanket might be a good investment. Or, \u201cIt\u2019s not sexy for people, but wearing socks to sleep,\u201d could help, she added.The problem: Their constant tossing and turning wakes me up.Though lots of restless movement can be a sign of a sleep disorder, \u201cSome people are more restless within a spectrum of normal sleep,\u201d Dr. Krieger said. If you or your partner\u2019s movement is keeping the other awake, a slightly bigger bed may alleviate the issue, and one made from memory foam will have less motion transfer, said Mr. Fruchtman.But for the greatest reduction in movement, Mr. Fruchtman suggests looking not at the bed, but at the frame. \u201cThey should consider their furniture and the weight of their furniture,\u201d he said, making sure the mattress lays perfectly flat. \u201cWhen they lay flat, they don\u2019t move. So that could be a reason to buy an adjustable base or a base that\u2019s just really solid.\u201dThe problem: ZZZZZZZZZZ!Among Dr. Harris\u2019s patients, snoring is one of the most common sources of sleep disruption, for both themselves and their partners. \u201cIt\u2019s snoring in bed and that\u2019s something that\u2019s making them either wake up or have trouble falling asleep,\u201d she says.Snoring could be a sign of bigger health problems, but it could also be intermittent, aggravated by factors like allergies or drinking. Whatever it is, try not to hear it: A white noise machine can drown out quieter snoring sounds, but for a louder case, try combining the white noise machine with ear plugs. \u201cThe challenge is that often they come off,\u201d Dr. Krieger warns, so she recommends opting for waterproof swimmer\u2019s ear plugs, rather than the standard foam, for slightly better staying power.The problem: Nothing is working. My partner and I cannot sleep in the same bed.Then don\u2019t! Dr. Kreiger said, \u201cThere are different aspects of sleeping together, right? There is the physical or sexual, kind of romantic involvement. And then there\u2019s sleep.\u201d Many couples actually improve their relationship when they choose to sleep apart, or \u201csleep divorce\u201d as the practice has come to be known. Some couples choose to sleep separately certain days of the week, or temporarily until one partner\u2019s sleep disorder has been resolved. \u201cIt doesn\u2019t have to be all or nothing,\u201d Dr. Harris said.However long you\u2019re apart, though, she stresses the importance of making both sleep environments as equal as possible. \u201cIf one person gets relegated just to the couch every night, that\u2019s a pretty sad experience,\u201d she said.Dorie Chevlen covers real estate and the housing industry for The Times, and writes about home design and d\u00e9cor for Wirecutter.A version of this article appears in print on Feb. 15, 2026, Section RE, Page 7 of the New York edition with the headline: Trouble Sleeping? Time to Troubleshoot.. Order Reprints | Today\u2019s Paper | SubscribeRead 267 commentsShare full articleRelated ContentAdvertisementSKIP ADVERTISEMENT",
    "ai_headline": "How to Sleep With Other People",
    "ai_simplified_title": "Couples Improve Sleep Quality Through Compromise",
    "ai_excerpt": "This article provides advice on how couples can improve their sleep quality when sharing a bed. It addresses common issues like mattress preferences, light exposure, and snoring, offering practical solutions and compromises. The article emphasizes the importance of prioritizing sleep for both individual well-being and relationship harmony.",
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