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    "original_url": "https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2026\/02\/12\/style\/modern-dating-rules.html?campaign_id=9&emc=edit_nn_20260213&instance_id=171041&nl=the-morning&regi_id=122976029&segment_id=215219&user_id=b25c5730c89e0c73f75709d8f1254337",
    "parsed_content": "Valentine\u2019s DayCreative, Cheap IdeasMovies to WatchRomantic ReadsLiterary Couples QuizRule 1: Don\u2019t Be GrossDon\u2019t immediately talk about medical maladies that are gross and controllable. \u2014 Helene WeissRule 2: Keeping ScoreIf you\u2019re keeping score (who messaged first, how long you waited between message replies), you\u2019ve already lost. When it\u2019s right, you will feel calm, not anxious. \u2014 Natalie PickoverRule 3: Shared ValuesShared values are far more important than shared interests. \u2014 Nancy CaciolaRule 4: SkepticismBe skeptical of statements made on the first date. If they say \u201cI don\u2019t see race,\u201d get ready to walk. If they say \u201cI love a smart woman,\u201d run. \u2014 Falguni ShethRule 5: RoommatesAfter age 28, no roommates. \u2014 Andrea NiceRule 6: Meeting UpGet to the meet as fast as possible. Do not waste endless hours texting\/messaging. \u2014 Molly McGlynnRule 7: CivilityWatch how your date treats servers, waiters, bussers, baristas, janitors, etc. Watch how they interact with unhoused people and panhandlers, too. A lack of respect, including not making eye contact, means no second date. \u2014 Erika MisakiImageRule 8: VettingBefore the end of the first date, ask if they are registered to vote. \u2014 Karen CrouchRule 9: Getting CoffeeOne cup of coffee is worth more than 40 messages. Cooking dinner together once is better than dining out 10 times. \u2014 Jonathan GilbertRule 10: ReflectingSerious red flag if your date talks negatively about an ex (\u201cthe nightmare who ruined my life\u201d). They show no insight into their role in the breakdown, and you will most likely be their next story. \u2014 Lynn DaviesRule 11: First DatePay for the first date, dude. Don\u2019t overthink it. \u2014 Mustafa KhalilRule 12: Third DateIf the woman doesn\u2019t offer to pay for part of a date by the end of the third date, I won\u2019t ask her out again. \u2014 Jonathan BuchbinderRule 13: Who Pays?Whoever invites, pays. \u2014 Jennifer ZamanianRule 14: Last DateIf I have no interest in seeing him again, I insist on paying for myself. \u2014 Maria AyalaRule 15: Worrisome NamesAvoid men who go by the childhood diminutive of their name (e.g. John who goes by Johnny), as they often remain childlike as adults. \u2014 Suzanna SmithImageRule 16: Pack Your BagsTravel together as soon as possible; you\u2019ll see how they interact with the world and handle both disappointment and joy. \u2014 Asha DoreRule 17: SexDon\u2019t have sex too soon because sex can hijack your brain and make you think they\u2019re the one when they\u2019re not. \u2014 Deborah DavisRule 18: More SexMake sexual contact early(ish). Life is too short to waste on bad sex. I prefer to get to the bottom of it (literally) sooner rather than later. \u2014 Madison KitchRule 19: Young MenHelpful reminder: Dating men in their 20s can be like an unpaid internship. \u2014 Natalie PickoverRule 20: TextingPut some effort into your texts. And proofread. No one wants to reach for the Rosetta Stone to decipher your messy missives. \u2014 Tommy Vinh BuiRule 21: ChildrenHave the conversation about children as soon as possible. If you\u2019re a \u201cno,\u201d don\u2019t date a \u201cmaybe.\u201d \u2014 Elizabeth McLaughlinRule 22: Job TalkStop reviewing each other\u2019s resumes. Instead, talk about what motivates you. \u2014 Steven BerbecoRule 23: The Jane Eyre TestIf they won\u2019t try to read your favorite book, how will they try to love and understand you? \u2014 Melody GilpinImageRule 24: CluelessIf the person has \u201cno idea\u201d why their marriage ended, they\u2019re out. \u2014 Patricia BakerRule 25: Their FriendsIf you don\u2019t like their friends, you probably don\u2019t like them (you just don\u2019t know it yet). \u2014 Elizabeth McLaughlinRule 26: Acting ChillYou can artificially maintain a disinterested man\u2019s interest by acting like you\u2019re similarly disinterested, but you can\u2019t make him like you. \u2014 Natalie PickoverRule 27: StressesDon\u2019t outsource responsibility for your nervous system, and don\u2019t manage someone else\u2019s. \u2014 Susan GrabowskiRule 28: Being YourselfDon\u2019t change yourself for dating unless it\u2019s a change you would be glad to make anyway (being tidier, drinking less). \u2014 Mary RhoadsRule 29: KissingNo kissing until you desperately want to. \u2014 Katherine LuRule 30: PresenceDon\u2019t try to re-enact movies. You are not in a movie; this is your life. Just try to be present, be kind and be yourself. \u2014 Caitlin ThomasRule 31: WantsIf they want to, they will. They will plan dates, text you back, and you won\u2019t have to second-guess. \u2014 Ashley HendersonImageRule 32: Read ReceiptsLeave on your texting \u201cread receipts.\u201d If they freak out about being left on \u201cread\u201d for less than 24 hours, they are unlikely to respect your time. \u2014 Luna VasquesRule 33: Meet the ParentsYou must meet each other\u2019s parents within a year. \u2014 Josie GolderRule 34: Moving InDo not sign a lease with someone you\u2019ve been with for less time than the term of the lease. \u2014 Lilienne Shore Kilgore-BrownRule 35: PassionIn a time when being nonchalant is cool, be chalant! \u2014 Adelyn MuiProduced by Antonio de Luca and Michael Beswetherick.Modern Love can be reached at modernlove@nytimes.com.To find previous Modern Love essays, Tiny Love Stories and podcast episodes, visit our archive.Want more Modern Love? Watch the TV series, sign up for the newsletter and listen to the podcast on iTunes or Spotify. We also have two books, \u201cModern Love: True Stories of Love, Loss, and Redemption\u201d and \u201cTiny Love Stories: True Tales of Love in 100 Words or Less.\u201d\n \n Miya Lee is the editor of Modern Love projects.Antonio De Luca is an assistant editor. He has worked at The Times since 2015.Read 6 commentsShare full articleRelated ContentAdvertisementSKIP ADVERTISEMENT",
    "ai_headline": "Modern Dating Rules",
    "ai_simplified_title": "Dating Advice Guide Offers Modern Love Rules",
    "ai_excerpt": "This article presents a collection of dating rules and advice from various individuals. The rules cover a wide range of topics, from first date etiquette to long-term relationship considerations. The piece aims to provide guidance on navigating the complexities of modern dating.",
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        "Relationships",
        "Modern Love",
        "Etiquette",
        "Advice",
        "Relationships"
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