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    "original_url": "https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2026\/02\/13\/podcasts\/everyday-romantic-moments.html?campaign_id=9&emc=edit_nn_20260213&instance_id=171041&nl=the-morning&regi_id=122976029&segment_id=215219&user_id=b25c5730c89e0c73f75709d8f1254337",
    "parsed_content": "Credit...Illustration by Brian ReaSkip to contentSkip to site indexSearch & Section NavigationSection NavigationAccountAccountModern Love PodcastWhat Does Romance Mean to You?Our podcast listeners share the everyday ways love shows up in their lives.Credit...Illustration by Brian ReaSupported bySKIP ADVERTISEMENTShare full articleBy Anna MartinIllustrations by Brian ReaFeb. 13, 2026Recently, we asked listeners of the \u201cModern Love\u201d podcast to send us their stories about the most romantic thing that ever happened to them. What struck me about their responses was how frequently they found romance in quieter, everyday ways: rubbing someone\u2019s feet, paying the bill, changing a tire, eating dinner together on the porch. It made me rethink what I consider romantic, and what romance really means \u2014 it\u2019s about showing someone that you really see them. It\u2019s about saying, I am doing this for you, not because I have to, but because I want to. It\u2019s also about believing that you\u2019re worthy of whatever size romantic gesture you receive.Listen to \u201cModern Love\u201d: The Secret to True RomanceHear our interview with the king and queen of Valentine\u2019s Day and the everyday ways love shows up in our listeners lives.Back to Modern Love0:00\/43:08-43:08transcriptListen to \u201cModern Love\u201d: The Secret to True RomanceHear our interview with the king and queen of Valentine\u2019s Day and the everyday ways love shows up in our listeners lives.[MUSIC PLAYING]archived recording 1Love now and always.archived recording 2Did you fall in love last \u2014archived recording 3\u2014 I love her.archived recording 4Love was stronger than anything you can \u2014archived recording 5For the love of love.archived recording 6And I love you more than anything.archived recording 7You\u2019re still loved.archived recording 8Love.[MUSIC PLAYING]anna martinFrom \u201cThe New York Times,\u201d I\u2019m Anna Martin. This is \u201cModern Love.\u201dspeaker 1Hello \u201cModern Love.\u201dspeaker 2Hello, \u201cModern Love\u201d podcast.speaker 3Hey, \u201cModern Love.\u201dspeaker 4Hi.speaker 5Hello.speaker 6This is my most romantic gesture story.anna martinSo for the past month, we\u2019ve been asking you to send us the most romantic things that have ever happened to you, all because it\u2019s Valentine\u2019s Day this week. Happy Valentine\u2019s Day. And what is Valentine\u2019s Day about but romance? But I\u2019ve been wondering, what does romance really mean to people? How does it actually show up in our lives? What\u2019s the kind of romantic gesture you keep talking about years later?We got so many responses from all of you. And I feel like I\u2019m always saying this, but I wish we could play them all. We did listen to every single one, though. Thank you for sending them in. Today, we are going to hear some of your stories. And then, my friends, I\u2019m speaking with the queen and king of Valentine\u2019s themselves. All right, sit back, relax, and let the romance wash over you.[MUSIC PLAYING]speaker 7So the most romantic moment.speaker 8The most romantic moment of my life.speaker 9The most romantic thing.speaker 10The most romantic gesture that I\u2019ve ever experienced.speaker 11My most romantic experience occurred on February 14, 2025, Valentine\u2019s Day.speaker 12Only three months ago.speaker 13A couple years ago.speaker 14May 8, 2010.speaker 15Oh, wait a minute. It was December 31, 2024.speaker 1625 years ago.speaker 17It was a Wednesday.speaker 18No, now that I think about it, it was actually December 16, 2024.speaker 19When I met my now wife.speaker 20I lived in New York City. He was stationed in Hawaii.speaker 21I was in the first few months of a relationship.[MUSIC PLAYING]speaker 22We were standing on a street corner at one point in the middle of the day, waiting to cross the street. He looked over at me. He kissed me. And meanwhile, one of those classic trolley cars was riding by. And this one man who was on the back of the train saw us kiss. And he leaned out like he was in \u201cSinging in the Rain\u201d and waved at us. And he shouted, he loves you. He really, really loves you.[MUSIC PLAYING]speaker 23My husband introduced me to running long before we were married. And we were married for 38 years when he passed away. He encouraged me so much. He was my biggest cheerleader. He would write me notes, always be the first person I\u2019d call after a marathon. But the thing that he did that was the best and most romantic thing was that, every night, when we\u2019d sit on the couch, he would ask me to put my feet into his lap, my gnarly, ugly running feet, and he would rub them.[MUSIC PLAYING]It was such a tender and romantic gesture. I\u2019ll never forget it.speaker 24Our first date was at a jazz bar, and we each ordered a drink. And sometime into the date, I made a second order of a ma\u2019amoul, which is a date cookie. It\u2019s one of my favorite cookies. And I was on a big ma\u2019amoul kick at the time. And it was just one of the many things that we talked about as we closed out the bar that night on our first date.On our second date, we meet up, and he pulls something out of his pocket and says he has a surprise for me. And in his palm is a wrapped ma\u2019amoul cookie because he remembered that I said that I liked it on our first date. I thought it was really, really sweet and really special, and quite romantic for a second date.On our third date, the same thing happened. He pulled out a ma\u2019amoul cookie out of his jacket pocket, also very sweet, also very cute, and then so on and so forth. On our fourth date, our fifth date or sixth date, he continued to have ma\u2019amoul cookies that he bought in bulk and made sure to always have one to give me every time we started our date.[MUSIC PLAYING]speaker 25Mine\u2019s not very grand. It\u2019s a pretty small side of things. But I am partially deaf in my left ear, and this results in a lot of scenarios that you could imagine. If someone\u2019s sitting on my left side or to the left of me, I can barely make out what they\u2019re saying unless they\u2019re speaking very clearly and loudly. If I\u2019m in a space with a lot of noise, a restaurant or a concert, I can barely hear a thing.That can lead me to feeling quite isolated, and frustrated, and alone, and separate from where I am. Well, my partner, who I\u2019ve been with for about four years now, anytime we\u2019re out somewhere, anytime we\u2019re sitting at a table, maybe at a restaurant, he is the first one to the table. And he always makes sure that I have a seat at the place where I could best hear the entirety of the group.He does this without me asking him to. And, oftentimes, [LAUGHS]: I\u2019ll find myself forgetting and not understanding why he\u2019s doing what he\u2019s doing. And then I put two and two together, in that he\u2019s trying to make sure that I can be as comfortable and a part of wherever we are as possible. And that just makes me smile every time he does it.[MUSIC PLAYING]speaker 26Some time ago, my husband and I were getting ready for bed. And it was a little bit colder than usual, so I decided to wear a sweatshirt to sleep, which is not something I typically do. So I put one over my t-shirt I usually sleep in. Halfway through the night, I woke up very warm. I sweated a little and I was \u2014 I sat up about halfway.And I was really struggling to get my sweatshirt off without it taking my t-shirt with it. So I was fighting that a little bit, and I didn\u2019t realize I must have woken up my husband, but kind out of nowhere and silently, he reached over and I felt his hand grasp the lower part of my t-shirt. And I was able to then easily take off my sweatshirt without the t-shirt coming with it.He gave my back a little pat, and then he rolled over and fell back asleep. When I woke up the next morning, I thought of it instantly and I just thought, god, that\u2019s so nice to have someone who\u2019s probably dead asleep themselves notice that you\u2019re struggling and just kind of lend a hand. And I just felt so lucky to be with someone like that.speaker 27I have this thing that\u2019s really embarrassing. I am superstitious, and I have to knock on wood before bed. I\u2019ve been doing it since I was a little girl for as long as I can remember. When I moved in with my boyfriend, John, I was nervous he would catch me. And so I would have to slyly reach out to tap on the window sill, feigning a yawn, pretending I was just stretching.And one day he did catch me. He listened as I told him about how it\u2019s hard when we go camping or I am traveling for work and there is no wood to knock on nearby. He lay silently for a while and then said, can I make you a knocking block so you can take it with you anywhere?speaker 28It showed me what it feels like when even the least impressive parts of you are welcome.speaker 29I felt like he was seeing me and saying that, for him, I was freeze-framed in the world and beautiful.speaker 30That tiny one-second smile.speaker 31It just felt like he saw through me to my core.speaker 32And it was, to this day, the most romantic moment.speaker 33A long time ago, I had my first boyfriend. I had never been naked in front of a man. And the first couple of times I went over to his rooming house and stayed, I was nervous. I am a speckled person with freckles on my nose and cheeks, and dark, larger freckles sprinkled widely across my arms, and legs, and back.One afternoon, as I sat on his mattress on the floor, I drew my knees up, and wrapped my arms around them, and explained that I felt self-conscious about all the spots. He was quiet as he kneeled on the floor beside me, and he slowly traced the dark freckles on my legs with his finger.Maybe if we connected the dots, he said, eventually, we could find all the constellations.[MUSIC PLAYING]speaker 34About two years into our relationship, we got into a huge fight at my apartment. I got so overwhelmed that I asked if we could put it on pause so I could go for a walk and clear my head. And on this very tearful walk, I came to the realization that we really don\u2019t need to be fighting about whatever we were fighting about. It was really silly, and we love each other. We can work past this.And so on my way home, I picked up a bouquet of flowers, something white to show a sign of truce. And when I walked in later, she was holding almost the exact same bouquet of flowers. And we just cried and laughed. And now those two bouquets are sitting in my apartment almost two more years later, and just show a sign of how much we love each other and we can get through anything.[MUSIC PLAYING]speaker 35The most romantic thing that ever happened to me happened just a few weeks ago. I drove to coast to a curb, hit it pretty bad, and blew out a tire. I did the first thing that I know to do, which is called my husband, but he didn\u2019t answer. And he sent me a message that said something like, call you back, in a meeting.So I sent him a message back and said, I blew out my tire. Here\u2019s where I am. He said, OK. And in a few minutes, he showed up, still on his meeting, in his call, on the phone, and changes my tire for me. No question, no complaint, just handles it. And I felt so impressed to be with such a capable human and so honored to know that, in his mind, I\u2019m his to take care of.[MUSIC PLAYING]speaker 36One day I came home from work to find all of my clothes neatly ironed, folded, and put in the right compartment in my wardrobe with all of the clothes that I wear the most at the front for ease of access. I didn\u2019t even realize that was something that he noticed, and he didn\u2019t even bring it up. He didn\u2019t even think it was that big of a deal that he did that for me. Whereas, I think it\u2019s the most romantic thing I\u2019ve ever experienced.speaker 37My heart just swelled, and I was so appreciative.speaker 38I was swooning.speaker 39I\u2019ll never forget it.[MUSIC PLAYING]speaker 40He just looks at me and he says, you\u2019re so cute. Can I kiss you? And I nodded, and he kissed me.speaker 41And he just took me in his arms and kissed me, and kissed me, and kissed me. And then he said, I had to do that. And then he turned around, and he walked away.speaker 42He parks, gets out of the car, comes to pick me up, extends his hand. In a gentleman, 18th century way, kisses my hand, draws me in, and kisses me in full view of everybody. [CHUCKLES][MUSIC PLAYING]speaker 43I lived in this neighborhood where, one block away, there was a house that I adored. It had all of these beautiful succulent plants out on the porch. She had these white, twinkly cafe lights that she would turn on every night. And I would always comment on this house about, I just love this house. It is my dream house. And I would walk by, and I would just feel so dreamy about it. So Valentine\u2019s Day comes, and my boyfriend comes to pick me up for dinner. And he says, I\u2019m going to blindfold you. And I want it to be a surprise where we\u2019re going for dinner.[MUSIC PLAYING]So he puts a blindfold on me, and he drives me around. And we\u2019re driving for so long, we\u2019re making all these turns, and I\u2019m actually starting to get nervous. I don\u2019t understand why this needs to happen. And then I feel the car come to a park. He guides me out of the car \u2014 I\u2019m still blindfolded \u2014 steps me up onto a walkway.He takes my blindfold off, and we are standing on the steps of this house that I love so much. And on the front porch is an Italian meal. He had gone to the owner of this house and explained how much I loved their house. And she was so flattered, and he asked permission to have Valentine\u2019s Day dinner on her front porch.[MUSIC PLAYING]speaker 44The two of us were very broke college students and wanted to celebrate Valentine\u2019s Day. And we found a very fancy, nice restaurant. It was clearly something that was very far out of our budget, but we had a lovely dinner. And there were these two elderly women kind of a few tables down from us. They ended up leaving and waved goodbye to us. They were really sweet. And when it came time for us to get the check, the server had said that our dinner was actually covered by those ladies. They wanted to let us know that love is all around.[MUSIC PLAYING]And I still think about them. And I think about that moment because I think, sometimes, we look at romance as a product of the actions between two people only. But I think, sometimes, romance can be found so deeply in community as well and the small actions by the people around us. And for us, that wasn\u2019t even a small action. That was a really amazing and a really kind, wonderful gesture for a young couple trying to make a Valentine\u2019s Day special. And they really did.[MUSIC PLAYING]anna martinWhen we come back, the king and queen of Valentine\u2019s.[MUSIC PLAYING][MUSIC PLAYING]The stories you all sent us, they were so lovely to listen to. And you were so generous letting us into these tender, often very private moments from your lives. So thank you again. We did have one person write in, though, to tell us about a couple who does their romantic gestures very publicly, and I got to tell you about them. For the past 30 years, Lonnie Anderson has been making these huge, over-the-top valentines for his wife, Anne Bolger Witherspoon.He goes all in. And he\u2019s kind of become famous for this. Just about every year, his Valentine\u2019s make the local news, the paper. People stop, [? even, ?] Lonnie on the street to talk about that one time he made giant cardboard flowers, or the other time he put a carousel in their front yard. People get really into it, and they\u2019ve even gotten involved in helping Lonnie make these things. So to close us out today, I figured we\u2019d talk to them because I want to know what it\u2019s like when your romance becomes everyone\u2019s romance. And I just had to know what Lonnie had planned for this year.[MUSIC PLAYING]Anne Bolger Witherspoon, Lonnie Anderson, welcome to \u201cModern Love.\u201danne bolger witherspoonHello.lonnie andersonOh, hello.anne bolger witherspoonGreetings from New Mexico.lonnie andersonThank you.anna martinI\u2019m so excited to talk to you two. Because of this, Lonnie, you have been called by many people the King of Valentine\u2019s Day. Every year, you do something for your wife, Anne. It\u2019s become a tradition. What is this tradition?lonnie andersonWell, I don\u2019t know if I would say I\u2019m the king because I feel like that\u2019s not what I am. But, yeah, I love my wife very dearly. And for 30 years, I have tried to come up with a creative and wonderful Valentine for her, working with the community sometimes and \u2014anne bolger witherspoonHe\u2019s being a little modest around this whole King of Valentine\u2019s because, I don\u2019t know, maybe 10 years ago, there was \u2014 some of the Valentine was this photo shoot that I was a queen. And I was gifted a beautiful gown from the Santa Fe opera for the day and crowned queen. So I think for a while, you were sort of running with the King of Valentine\u2019s.lonnie andersonYeah.anna martinLet\u2019s give people a sense of what we\u2019re talking about when we say, Lonnie, you\u2019ve been giving Valentine\u2019s for 30 years. Give me some examples of stuff you\u2019ve done over the years.anne bolger witherspoonLonnie\u2019s cheating. He\u2019s pulling out a list. That\u2019s not \u2014anna martinYou should \u2014 you have to write it down. It\u2019s 30 years.lonnie andersonSo we had the National Planetarium reprogram the dome so that it says, I love Anne, in the stars.anna martinOh.lonnie andersonI had all of her friends do a Valentine. And I projected all the Valentine\u2019s downtown in Albuquerque on a giant building, a 20-story building.anne bolger witherspoonMy turn. So along the same theme, one year, Lonnie kind of put various, I love Anne, signs on my drive home, the commute home. So some of them were an old school, you kind of snap the letters into the signage that might be in front of, I don\u2019t know, a bingo hall.lonnie andersonA discount store.anna martinOh my god.lonnie andersonSo anything that \u2014 all the signage you see around your neighborhood \u2014anna martinSaid, I love Anne.lonnie andersonI just switched it out.anne bolger witherspoonAnd it ended with a large, I love Anne, mural in the neighborhood.anna martinI love that one.lonnie andersonI just put, I love Anne, I love Anne, I love Anne, I love \u2014anne bolger witherspoonYou\u2019ve also turned the house into a restaurant.lonnie andersonA restaurant.anne bolger witherspoonA local restauranteur came in and cooked in our kitchen. And our daughter was the maitre d\u2019 for that.lonnie andersonAnd we had the most famous chef in Albuquerque come and do it. Another thing we did \u2014anne bolger witherspoonYou, you did.lonnie andersonI say we, but we got in this big historic theater, just me and Anne. And they had the big red curtains that are 50-feet tall.anna martinWow.lonnie andersonThey take two people to lift. They lifted up, and they played one song for Anne. And we were the only two people in the audience. It was \u2014anna martinWhat was the song?lonnie andersonIt was so beautiful.anne bolger witherspoonHard questions.lonnie andersonOh my gosh.anna martinDo you remember what song?lonnie andersonI need to \u2014 We both were just in shock. I actually cried. It was so beautiful. It was just so beautiful. So, yeah, I had the symphony play for her. I made a giant crop circle. So I did a giant heart with her name \u2014 so her name\u2019s, I don\u2019t know, 50 feet wide. But it was the size of this huge field. It can only be seen from space.anna martinI have to know, how did this start? I want to go back to the very first time you did this. And I want to know this, actually, from your point of view, Anne. Tell me the story of the first Valentine Lonnie ever gave you.anne bolger witherspoonSo we had just started dating. So we\u2019d been dating less than a year, for sure. He was living in Portland. We were doing long distance. He was living in Portland, and I was living in Albuquerque. So he had come \u2014 oh, come in town, I guess. And I lived in this very small space. It was barely a one-bedroom efficiency. And he sort of shooed me away for a few hours, and I came back, and he had converted the living room into a game board.anna martinWow.anne bolger witherspoonSo if you can imagine, the whole floor, he had placed a huge paper and drawn a game board, much like a \u201cCandy Land.\u201dlonnie andersonI just made, yeah, a poster board, giant game board. The fun part was rolling these \u2014 I made these giant dice, and we were throwing them around the apartment.anne bolger witherspoonAnd you would roll the die. And as you moved through the game board, the spacing, you\u2019d land on it and there would be various questions or various activities, like have a piece of chocolate, pour a glass of champagne.lonnie andersonTell me something that I don\u2019t know about you.anne bolger witherspoonBut that\u2019s the point that was really the crux of it because we were in the beginnings of our courtship. And so there was discovery to be had. So tell me something I don\u2019t know about you. Tell me something you\u2019re afraid of. And I was thinking, what? Who is this person? This is just \u2014lonnie andersonYou think about it, it\u2019s kind of like, wow, that\u2019s crazy.anna martinYeah.anne bolger witherspoonA little like a peacock. You\u2019re kind of like, oh, he\u2019s doing the feathers and the strut.anna martinA little skepticism, perhaps, yeah.anne bolger witherspoonOh, absolutely.lonnie andersonAbsolutely.anna martinI\u2019m curious about what you said. There\u2019s a little bit of, huh, is this guy a showoff? Tell me more about that sentiment.anne bolger witherspoonWell, let me just say that he is a showoff. And that\u2019s what has driven a lot of this. And I think you either love that or you run away from it. And I think 30 plus years in, I\u2019ve sort of leaned into loving it.anna martinBut was that not your first inclination, I guess?anne bolger witherspoonNo, I think the first inclination was like, oh, well, this is a little bit of an over the top. And when is it going to putter out? You have that, is it going to happen the next year? And it did, and then the next year. And so what became apparent in all of that is that it wasn\u2019t just to hook me or kind of \u2014 it really \u2014 there is a passion behind it. And it, of course, has evolved in many ways.anna martinGoing back to that first Valentine\u2019s, Lonnie, what made you decide to do that for the first time? You hadn\u2019t been dating for that long, right? You didn\u2019t even live in the same town. Why go that big that hard that soon?lonnie andersonIt\u2019s simple, it\u2019s love.When you\u2019re in love, what do you do? You show up. You call them a hundred times. When they\u2019re like, OK \u2014 so your friends are like, don\u2019t call her until Thursday, and it\u2019s Monday. And you\u2019re like, I called her yesterday.[LAUGHRER]And they\u2019re like \u2014 and you do crazy stuff because you\u2019re so over the top. When I met her, I just was in love. I was like, I never \u2014 someone once told me it was like, you can\u2019t make someone love you, but you can love them.anna martinHuh.lonnie andersonAnd that\u2019s what\u2019s so beautiful is like, I\u2019m not in charge of how much Anne loves me, but I am in charge of, that I love her.[MUSIC PLAYING]anna martinWe\u2019ll be right back.[MUSIC PLAYING]I wonder, over the years, as you\u2019ve gone bigger, and bigger, and bigger, I wonder if there was ever one where it just sort of felt like, huh, this isn\u2019t quite emotionally hitting in the way that I intended.lonnie andersonOh, every single one of them.anna martinOh, no, that can\u2019t be true. Anne \u2014anne bolger witherspoonIs she saying, is there ever one that\u2019s like, you spent time, you thought through, and then it sort of was like, huh, it kind of didn\u2019t have the ring to it? It didn\u2019t have the \u2014lonnie andersonIt\u2019s so crazy because you just \u2014 I guess as an artist, you just always think that\u2019s it. It\u2019s every one of them. I did this one where I made this \u2014 I spent three weeks, maybe a month, writing out E. Cummings\u2019 poem, \u201cI Carry Your Heart.\u201d And I did it with just rocks. And so \u2014anne bolger witherspoonSo each rock, a pebble, then, was creating a letter. And then it created the whole \u2014lonnie andersonAnd my neighbors were coming over at the fence. And they were just looking at me. And they were like, what are you doing? And at that point, yeah, really, I was thinking like, maybe, Lonnie, you might be mentally ill. This is not OK. You\u2019re out here making this giant rock poem? And then one of my daughters comes over, and she picks up a bucket of rocks. And she sits next to me, and she puts the rocks for her mom. And she\u2019s writing out the thing. And then I was like, this is going to be awesome.anna martinAnne, you see this finished poem. But hearing that story behind it, I imagine that must feel really good, your husband, one of your kids, writing these poems for you.anne bolger witherspoonIt is really moving and powerful to see because we\u2019re talking a lot about grandiose, but it\u2019s the smaller, more subtle moments that I do love about the process, the willingness of others to jump in, strangers, but also loved ones. So Lonnie recreated an \u201880s prom. And the only instructions I was given was like, go find a vintage prom dress.And, oh, I found the best one with just \u2014lonnie andersonOh, it was awesome.anne bolger witherspoonA pink, and something I would have never have worn myself. And I walk into the gym and, yes, my daughters had been involved. They decorated, and there were balloons. But it was my sister who took it to the next level. She had her \u201880s DJ outfit on. She is not \u2014 this is not her lane. She is not the creative DJ kind. She is like \u2014 yes. And she had so much fun just being there.lonnie anderson\u201880s records, music from the \u2014 oh, it was wonderful.anne bolger witherspoonAnd those are the moments, right? The really just \u2014 in order to have that big, grandiose, there is a lot of generous moments from other people.anna martinThese smaller moments.anne bolger witherspoonAnd then just \u2014 yes. And just joy.anna martinI wonder, this has been going on for 30 years. Have these Valentine\u2019s become essential to your relationship? If Lonnie wasn\u2019t doing this every year, would things be different?lonnie anderson[LAUGHS]:anne bolger witherspoonWe joke, every year is the last year. There\u2019s a little in what we\u2019re doing right now. He\u2019s like, well, if we made it this far, that\u2019s it.lonnie andersonEven this year, it was one of those crazy things where I was like, you know what? It\u2019s just too stressful. Our daughter\u2019s applying for college. And so we don\u2019t have any time. And we\u2019re all \u2014 again, we\u2019re struggling like everybody in America is struggling. And so I was like, we\u2019re just going to do something private. And we\u2019ll say, hey, we decided, this year, we\u2019re going to do something. But this group of people really following us and stuff \u2014anne bolger witherspoonHe\u2019s walking a fine line because it\u2019s a surprise.lonnie andersonIt\u2019s this really amazing group.anna martinOh my gosh. Wait, Lonnie.lonnie andersonIt\u2019s not that. It\u2019s not \u2014 she doesn\u2019t know what it is, and you can\u2019t tell. But these people that are helping me, they\u2019re like, look, we\u2019re going to help you. We\u2019re going to do this. And I was like, what?anna martinSay no more. Say no more. I\u2019m stopping.lonnie andersonAnd that\u2019s it. I won\u2019t say any more, but they\u2019re the ones that are really \u2014 they\u2019re doing it. And they\u2019re sending me photos. To me, it\u2019s like it just makes me cry when I got a text the other day. And I was like, my god, the world is so beautiful.anna martinOver the years, as these Valentine\u2019s have gotten bigger and bigger, they\u2019ve also gotten more and more public. They\u2019ve moved from these \u2014 even though the first one, the board game, in your home was quite big, it was still within the home. It was for the two of you. And as the years have gone by, these Valentine\u2019s, they\u2019re out in the world. Other people witness them. Other people participate. And I guess I want to know about that transition from more intimate and private to more public. Anne, I guess for you, that feels like a big adjustment, I guess.anne bolger witherspoonWell, there definitely was an evolution of both, just the giving of the Valentine\u2019s and how it went from more personal in our living room, getting to know you, and then including others and being built. And so since we\u2019ve been back in New Mexico, it really has evolved into a community. People anticipate it. People look forward to it. I laughed a little because there was a moment. I remember being at some high school reunion, and somebody literally turned to me and was like, oh, you\u2019re that Anne.lonnie andersonOh, yeah, it was at her high school reunion, really.anne bolger witherspoonAnd it was sort of like \u2014 so the, I love Anne, can be a mythical person because I think that\u2019s some of what Lonnie has set up in sort of universal love and an invitation for others to think about their own places of love, and sharing, and expanding themselves, and promoting love as something we get involved with. But then this other part of, no, I\u2019m a real person and I \u2014anna martinI exist beyond the Valentine.anne bolger witherspoonYes. Yeah.lonnie andersonYeah.anna martinWas that transition hard to move from this thing with just you and Lonnie to this thing out in the world? Did you feel like you\u2019d sort of, I don\u2019t know, lost something that was just for the two of you?anne bolger witherspoonYes and no. So I think, yes, it is hard. I\u2019m probably a much more private person, definitely, than him. And so there\u2019s something about, do we really have to share it? I resist that a little bit. And then there came a point where I really sort of said, this isn\u2019t about Anne anymore. This isn\u2019t about Valentine\u2019s. Clearly, we love each other and we\u2019re making a go at it, 30 plus years in.But I also know that this is a gift I can give back to Lonnie and that it\u2019s larger than myself now. And I am OK with that. I\u2019m OK with the idea that it has moved from the more quiet intimate \u2014 it was never small \u2014 but quiet and intimate moments of Valentine\u2019s towards larger, and more inclusive, and grander.anna martinI think that\u2019s really beautiful. My final question, obviously, I\u2019m dying to know what the heck this year\u2019s Valentine\u2019s Day is. I know that we cannot spoil it for Anne. So what I will just say \u2014 I say this with all the respect in the world, can you leave the room for one second?anne bolger witherspoonYes.anna martinThanks, Anne. (WHISPERS) Lonnie, what are you doing this year?lonnie andersonSo this year, like I said, I\u2019m working with a really good friend of mine, Michael. And he works for a nonprofit. So this is an art studio, and he works with lots of folks with disabilities from the neighborhood. And instead of giving her a box of candy, we are going to give her an entire candy store. There\u2019s this historic over 100-year-old candy store. It\u2019s so beautiful.And, basically, what we\u2019re going to do is they made this giant sign for the front of this candy store that\u2019s made out of jelly beans, thousands. It\u2019s literally thousands of jelly beans. And then it says Anne. It\u2019s the traditional Anne. It\u2019s hanging in the front window. And then the candy store\u2019s agreed to make custom candies for her.They make their own candy. So they\u2019re making her their own custom candy box. And then all of these people that helped with the jelly beans, they all put the person that they love, their name, on a little heart, and they made Valentine\u2019s. And so the window, the front window, of this candy store is filled up with all of these people. And so I think it, to me, is this beautiful \u2014 we have this whole community, and they\u2019re going to give her an entire candy store.anna martinWow, Lonnie. Let\u2019s get Anne back in here. Call her back in. Wow.lonnie andersonAnne, you can come back in. Yeah, yelling, here she comes.anna martinAnne, I just heard what\u2019s happening this year. Of course, I\u2019m not going to say anything. Can you guess what this year\u2019s Valentine\u2019s Day is?anne bolger witherspoonNo. Well \u2014lonnie andersonBe honest too. You be honest because she sees stuff once in a while. And I always think \u2014 because somebody will email something. She\u2019ll be like, oh, god.anne bolger witherspoonNo, because I like the surprise. Surprise is really, genuinely hard to fake.anna martinYes, that\u2019s true.lonnie andersonShe does like the surprise. And I would say, 90 percent the times, I\u2019ve \u2014anna martinYou\u2019ve pulled it off.anne bolger witherspoonYeah, and because that\u2019s also part of the giving back, not just for Lonnie, but anyone involved in the project. Really being surprised and in the moment is something I value. And I want to give those folks, and Lonnie included in that, my all and my presence of being in the moment with them. So I try really hard. There have been times where I know more than I should, and I kind of \u2014anna martinBut this is not one of those times.anne bolger witherspoonNo, not now.anna martinAnne Bolger Witherspoon, Lonnie Anderson, thank you so much for this conversation.anne bolger witherspoonOh, Anne, it\u2019s been a pleasure.lonnie andersonOh, yeah, thank you so much. [MUSIC PLAYING]anna martinHappy Valentine\u2019s Day, everyone. The \u201cModern Love\u201d team is Amy Pearl, Davis Land, Elisa Gutierrez, Emily Lang, Jen Poyant, Lynn Levy, Reva Goldberg, and Sara Curtis. This episode was produced by Davis Land, with help from Elisa Gutierrez. It was edited by Lynn Levy and Jen Poyant. Our mix engineer was Daniel Ramirez.Original music in this episode by Marion Lozano, Carole Sabro, Diane Wong, Rowan Nemesio, Pat McCusker, and Dan Powell. Dan also composed our theme music. The \u201cModern Love\u201d column is edited by Daniel Jones. Miya Lee is the editor of \u201cModern Love Projects.\u201d If you\u2019d like to submit an essay or a tiny love story to \u201cThe New York Times,\u201d we\u2019ve got those instructions in our show notes. I\u2019m Anna Martin. Thanks for listening.[MUSIC PLAYING]Listen \u00b7 43:08 minImageWhen Love Means Doing the LaundryOne day I came home from work to find all of my clothes neatly ironed, folded and put in the right compartments of my wardrobe. All of the clothes that I wear the most were at the front for ease of access. He didn\u2019t even think it was that big of a deal that he did that for me, whereas I think it\u2019s the most romantic thing I\u2019ve ever experienced. It was so small, but something that felt so big. \u2014 Antara Singh, LondonOne Cookie, Then Another, Then AnotherOur first date was at a jazz bar. We each ordered a drink and some time into the date I made a second order of a ma\u2019amoul, which is a date cookie. It\u2019s one of my favorite cookies, and I was on a big ma\u2019amoul kick at the time. It was just one of the many things that we talked about as we closed out the bar that night on our first date.On our second date, we met up and he pulled something out of his pocket. He said he had a surprise for me, and in his palm was a wrapped ma\u2019amoul cookie, because he remembered that I said that I liked it on our first date. I thought it was really sweet and special, and quite romantic for a second date.On our third date, the same thing happened. He pulled out a ma\u2019amoul cookie from his jacket pocket, also very sweet, also very cute, and then so on and so forth: On our fourth date, our fifth date, our sixth date, he continued to have ma\u2019amoul cookies and made sure to always have one to give me every time we started our date. \u2014 Hanna Seabright, New York CityImageMy Own Personal Good-Luck CharmI\u2019m embarrassed by this, but I am superstitious, and I have to knock on wood before bed. I\u2019ve been doing it since I was a little girl, for as long as I can remember. When I moved in with my boyfriend, I was nervous he would catch me, so I would slyly reach out to tap on the windowsill, feigning a yawn, pretending I was just stretching.One day, he did catch me. He listened as I told him about how it\u2019s hard when we go camping or when I\u2019m traveling for work and there is no wood to knock on nearby. He lay silently for a while and then said, \u201cCan I make you a knocking block, so you can take it with you anywhere?\u201d \u2014 Eva Caisse, San FranciscoHe Saw the Stars in MeA long time ago, I had my first boyfriend. I had never been naked in front of a man, and the first couple of times I went over to his rooming house and stayed, I was nervous. I am a speckled person with freckles on my nose and cheeks and dark, larger freckles sprinkled widely across my arms and legs and back. One afternoon as I sat on his mattress on the floor, I drew my knees up, wrapped my arms around them and explained that I felt self-conscious about all the spots. He was quiet as he knelt on the floor beside me, and he slowly traced the dark freckles on my legs with his finger.\u201cMaybe if we connected the dots,\u201d he said, \u201ceventually we could find all the constellations.\u201dI\u2019m almost 68 now, but with that comment, he gave me a reason to remember that moment, and him \u2014 all these decades later. \u2014 Caroline Haines, Saskatchewan, CanadaImageThe Best Seat in the HouseI am partially deaf in my left ear, and this results in a lot of scenarios that you could imagine: If someone\u2019s sitting to the left of me, I can barely make out what they\u2019re saying; if I\u2019m in a space with a lot of noise, like a restaurant or a concert, I can barely hear a thing. That can lead me to feeling quite isolated and frustrated.Well, anytime we are sitting down at a table at a restaurant, my partner is the first one to the table. He always makes sure that I have a seat at the place where I can best hear the entirety of the group. He does this without me asking, and oftentimes I\u2019ll find myself not understanding why he\u2019s doing what he\u2019s doing. Then I put two and two together that he\u2019s trying to make sure that I can be as comfortable and included as possible. That just makes me smile every time he does it. \u2014 Jack Dalton, Cambridge, Mass.Finding Love All AroundThe two of us were very broke college students, but we wanted to celebrate Valentine\u2019s Day at a very fancy, nice restaurant. It was very far out of our budget, but we wanted to spend a little more than we normally would to celebrate.At the restaurant, there were these two elderly women a few tables down who said hello when we walked in, and waved goodbye to us as they were leaving. When it came time for us to get the check, the server said that our dinner was actually covered by those ladies because they wanted to let us know that \u201clove is all around.\u201dSometimes we look at romance as a product of the actions between two people, but I think romance can be found in community as well, and the small actions of the people around us. For us, that wasn\u2019t even a small action. It was an amazing, kind, wonderful gesture to a young couple trying to make Valentine\u2019s Day special. \u2014 Erica Bonnette, Los AngelesA Sleepy Helping HandSome time ago, my husband and I were getting ready for bed, and it was a little bit colder than usual, so I decided to wear a sweatshirt to sleep, which is not something I typically do. I put one over my T-shirt I usually sleep in.About halfway through the night, I woke up very warm. I sat up about halfway, and I was really struggling to get my sweatshirt off without taking my T-shirt with it. I was fighting with it a little, and I didn\u2019t realize I must have woken my husband.Silently, he reached over and I felt his hand grasp on to the lower part of my T-shirt so I could easily take off my sweatshirt without my T-shirt coming with it. He gave my back a little pat and then he rolled over and went back asleep.When I woke up the next morning, I thought of it instantly. And I just thought, God, that\u2019s so nice to have someone who\u2019s probably dead asleep themselves notice that you\u2019re struggling and lend a hand. I felt so lucky to be with someone like that. \u2014 Sarah Christiansen, Lake Tapps, Wash.ImageTwin FlowersAbout two years into our relationship, we got into a huge fight at my apartment. I got so overwhelmed that I asked if we could put it on pause so I could go for a walk and clear my head.On this very tearful walk, I came to the realization that we really didn\u2019t need to be fighting about whatever we were fighting about. It was really silly and we love each other. We could work past this. So on my way home, I picked up a bouquet of flowers, something white to show a sign of truce.When I got back home, she was there holding almost the exact same bouquet of flowers. We just cried and laughed. Now, those two bouquets are sitting in my apartment almost two more years later as a sign of how much we love each other, and that we can get through anything. \u2014 Elena DeLuccia, New York CityProduced by Elisa Gutierrez and Davis LandEdited by Lynn Levy and Jen PoyantOriginal music by Marion LozanoCarole SabouraudDiane WongRowan Niemisto and Pat McCuskerEngineered by Daniel RamirezHere\u2019s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times.Here\u2019s how to submit a Tiny Love Story.Unlock full access to New York Times podcasts and explore everything from politics to pop culture. Subscribe today at nytimes.com\/podcasts or on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.\u201cModern Love\u201d is hosted by Anna Martin and produced by Reva Goldberg, Elisa Gutierrez, Emily Lang, Davis Land, Amy Pearl and Sara Curtis. The show is edited by Lynn Levy and Jen Poyant, our executive producer. The show is mixed by Daniel Ramirez and recorded by Maddy Masiello and Nick Pitman. It features original music by Pat McCusker, Elisheba Ittoop, Dan Powell, Marion Lozano, Carole Sabouraud, Aman Sahota, Chelsea Daniel, Sophia Lanman, Rowan Niemisto and Diane Wong. Our theme music is by Dan Powell.Special thanks to Daniel Jones, Miya Lee, Larissa Anderson, Dahlia Haddad, Lisa Tobin, Isabella Anderson, Christine Nguyen, Reyna Desai, Jordan Cohen, Victoria Kim, Nina Lassam and Julia Simon.Want more from Modern Love? Read the Modern Love column. Watch the TV series and sign up for email updates. We also have swag at the NYT Store and two books, \u201cModern Love: True Stories of Love, Loss and Redemption\u201d and \u201cTiny Love Stories: True Tales of Love in 100 Words or Less.\u201dShare full articleAdvertisementSKIP ADVERTISEMENT",
    "ai_headline": "What Does Romance Mean to You?",
    "ai_simplified_title": "Modern Love Podcast Explores Everyday Romantic Moments",
    "ai_excerpt": "The \"Modern Love\" podcast explores the meaning of romance through listener stories. The episode features stories about small, everyday gestures that listeners found romantic, and an interview with a couple known for their public Valentine's Day celebrations.",
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